Supporting a Spouse Through a Health Challenge

每年，数以百万计的夫妇面对严重的疾病. A new diagnosis — whether it’s Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, heart failure比如肾功能不全或其他重大疾病——会改变你们俩的生活. 然而，研究表明，健康配偶的需求往往被忽视, 就在他或她需要力量以新的方式支持伴侣的时候.

如果你突然被置于照顾者的角色, 你应该做什么?在做这些事情的时候，你怎样才能保持坚强? Psychiatrist Susan Lehmann, 约翰霍普金斯医院老年精神病学诊所主任, recommends these strategies.

older african-american couple arms around each other

Listen and share time.

Not sure what to say? That’s OK. Assure your spouse that you love and support him or her. 如果你的配偶想说话，倾听，或者只是一起度过安静的时光. If possible, 继续分享已经成为你们共同生活一部分的日常活动——周五晚上看电视电影和吃爆米花, morning coffee and the daily newspaper, walking the dog. 在一次严重的诊断之后，你们俩可能会比以往任何时候都更珍惜这些日常的传统.

Get informed.

Well spouses cope better when they, like their partners, have accurate, firsthand information about their mate’s condition, treatment and needs. “虽然互联网可以提供有关疾病和治疗的一般和具体信息, 重要的是要记住，医疗信息的可靠性在不同的互联网站点上差别很大,” Lehmann says. “有些网站可能会提供不准确或误导性的信息, so it is important to discuss your concerns, including information you have read from other sources, with your health care providers.”

Talk to practitioners together.

看病时不要坐在候诊室或保持沉默. “让另一双耳朵倾听临床医生解释治疗方案总是有帮助的,” Lehmann says. “知道和医生或护士在一起的时间是有限的, 在预约医生之前，和你的伴侣一起列一个问题和关注的清单是特别有帮助的.”

优先考虑你的问题——把最重要的问题放在第一位——以确保你在配偶下次约会时收到你最需要的信息. 如果你不能在约会中问出所有你想问的问题, 询问是否可以安排随访电话时间或通过电子邮件将您的其他问题发送给临床医生或他/她的助理,” Lehmann adds.

Sidestep nagging.

一项重大的医学诊断可能会导致医生建议你改变配偶的饮食, physical activity level, medication routine and need for rest. 一个健康的配偶的支持和鼓励可以帮助伴侣保持在正轨上, 但这个新角色也可能引发双方的挫败感. The well spouse may feel stressed; the ill spouse might not appreciate nagging.

“有时候，争取医疗保健从业者的支持，优先考虑哪些改变是最重要的，并提醒你的伴侣，这些改变是临床医生建议的,” Lehmann says. 这通常可以减少配偶试图施加不当控制的感觉, 而是他/她的伴侣和保健医生的伴侣.”

Accept help.

Are offers of casseroles and housecleaning pouring in? 让祝福者减轻你的负担，这样你就可以专注于你生病的配偶，得到必要的休息和支持.

莱曼说:“做一个照顾伴侣会让一个人感到不堪重负和疲惫。. “Ask to speak with the doctor, 护士或社工关于你可能符合资格的家庭服务. 许多保险计划为家庭护理服务、职业治疗和物理治疗提供保险, 哪一种方法对提高伴侣在家中的安全和功能非常有帮助.”

Research Shows Know What You Need Now

Don’t underestimate your needs when your partner faces a serious illness. 最近一项涉及心脏病幸存者及其伴侣的研究表明，当伴侣经历重大健康危机时，健康的配偶抑郁和焦虑的风险会增加. And in a study of men with advanced prostate cancer, 研究人员发现，夫妻双方的情绪困扰都在增加, 然而，身体健康的配偶得到情感支持的可能性较小.

“Often, 好的配偶会把自己的需求放在次要位置, so to speak, when a partner has a serious health concern,” Lehmann says. “Being able to talk about your fears, 与你信任的人在一起的挫折和担忧不仅会让你感觉更好, 但你会更有能力帮助和支持你的伴侣."

Definitions

Caregiving: The assistance family, 朋友和专业人士提供给老年人, sick or otherwise unable to care for themselves. Caregiving can include buying groceries, cooking meals, cleaning, assistance with bathing or personal care, making and driving someone to medical appointments, dispensing medicine, helping someone get in or out of bed, and more.

Heart failure: 当心脏不能提供身体所需的血液时, 因为它不能完全填充或不能以足够的力泵送. 糖尿病、高血压、心脏病和心脏瓣膜问题都会导致心力衰竭. Heart failure does not mean the heart is about to stop. Medications and lifestyle changes can reduce symptoms.